Getting Dumped - Part 1 A Schultz Sisters Mystery Read online

  Burt frowned. “Wash up?”

  The two of us began walking back to the office. I had gotten a tour of the facilities when I’d arrived at six a.m., but most of the office employees hadn’t arrived then and I was looking forward to meeting the rest of the team.

  Burt and I pushed through the doors and stood there for a moment, eyes closed, breathing in the clean, odorless air conditioning. A sexy rumble pulled me out of my trance.

  “Welcome to the Department of Solid Waste. You must be the new heavy equipment operator.”

  I opened my eyes and stared. Behind the front desk was the most beautiful man I had ever seen in my twenty-seven years. Dark hair, bedroom eyes, chiseled cheekbones, and pecs you could pound nails with. I didn’t realize my jaw had actually dropped until Burt discreetly nudged it shut with one filthy knuckle. I swallowed hard and blinked a few times to clear my vision.

  “JJ, meet Pete,” Burt said. “Pete, meet JJ. Pete is the secretary for the Department of Solid Waste.”

  “Oh,” I said, offering my hand for the sex god to shake. I looked down, belatedly realizing I still wore my work gloves. And that the right one was streaked with something gooey.

  “Mayonnaise,” I told him, peeling it off. “I crushed a whole crate of it. Got all over the door of the cab.”

  “Excellent,” Pete said, flashing me a smile that would have caused a lesser woman to swoon.

  Okay, I was a lesser woman. I gripped the edge of the counter and held on tightly, reminding myself I still had a boyfriend. Technically. Things had cooled considerably with Daniel since I’d decided to take the landfill job, and I wasn’t quite sure where we stood.

  Pete regarded me through eyelashes that were thick and dark, fringing eyes the color of the Heineken bottle I’d just extracted from Shirley’s belly pan.

  “Pete’s new here, too,” Burt offered. “Just started a few weeks ago.”

  “Really?” I said, wondering at the reason a man who could easily make millions modeling boxer-briefs was sitting behind a plaque that said SECRETARY.

  “Yup,” Pete said, smiling into my eyes. “Until you got here, I was the new kid in class. Maybe we can share a cubby and take turns on the monkey bars at recess.”

  I felt my face grow warm and fought to swallow the butterflies crawling up my throat. “Did you get repositioned, too?”

  “Repositioned?”

  “In your job. Not sexually, I mean. Or like a cruise ship. Repositioned—” I shut my mouth, realizing it was best to stop while he thought me tactless rather than insane. Pete just grinned at me.

  “No, I applied for the job a couple months ago, and I had to go through a pretty rigorous interview process to get it. Typing tests, personality assessments... the county’s human resources department is very diligent.”

  “Sure,” I agreed, eyeing him with interest. Gay? Had to be. Or was that a photo of his girlfriend framed on the desk behind him? I craned my neck for a better look.

  “Anyway, welcome aboard,” Pete said. “Can I get you a cup of coffee?”

  “Coffee?”

  “It’s a hot, brewed beverage made with beans. Very tasty.”

  I felt my face flame again.

  “She’d love coffee,” Burt said, clearly sensing a rescue was in order. “We’re just heading to the break room for lunch.”

  Pete nodded. “Sugar?”

  I swallowed. “What?”

  “In your coffee. Do you want sugar?”

  “Right. Yes. Please. Thank you. Amen.” I turned away and grabbed the nearest doorknob. Burt touched my shoulder.

  “That’s a closet,” he murmured. “Break room’s over here.”

  He propelled me through another door and deposited me beside a table. I stood there catching my breath while Burt opened a cupboard above the sink.

  “Wow,” I said, dropping my voice to a hiss.

  “I know,” Burt said, clearly delighted. “Pretty great, huh?”

  I eyed Burt, impressed that he was secure enough in his masculinity to admire an attractive man.

  “I hope I didn’t embarrass myself too much,” I said, scrubbing my hands at the sink before opening the fridge and taking out my leftover spinach lasagna.

  “Nah, you were fine,” Burt said, grabbing a grungy paper bag and a bottle of murky liquid. “He’s already been asked for his autograph three or four times, so staring is no big deal.”

  “Autograph?”

  “Sure. I thought about it myself, but decided I’d wait until the movie comes out on Blu-ray so he can sign that.”

  I stared for a few beats, wondering what I was missing. Burt sat down and unwrapped a wedge of yellow cheese. He held it in one hand, his fingers smearing dirt on the greasy surface.

  “Movie?” I prompted.

  Burt looked up at me. “That’s Pete Wilco — he played Colt McTrigger in Bionic Cyber Cops in Monster Trucks. Haven’t you seen it?”

  “No.”

  He frowned. “Then why were you staring?”

  “Um, because he’s gorgeous.”

  Burt laughed and finished his cheese before grabbing a hard-boiled egg. He cracked it on the edge of the table and extracted the squishy orb with his fingers, streaking it with grime.

  “Damn fine movie,” he said, taking a bite of the egg. “There’s this cop who drives his monster truck with mind power, and these zombies with skin that glows when it rains and–”

  “Geez. And people say I have an overactive imagination.” I dropped into the chair beside Burt and forked up a piece of lasagna, whining when I realized I’d forgotten to heat it. “I don’t understand. Why would a movie star work at the county landfill?”

  Burt shrugged. “I guess not everyone liked the movie. They didn’t actually release it in any theaters.”

  “Hard to imagine.”

  “Anyway, Pete moved back here when his mom got sick. He said he wanted something with good benefits and a decent salary and no zombies chasing him with radioactive snow cones.”

  “Huh.”

  “He’s still got a girlfriend back in L.A. I think she might be moving up here, too.”

  “Huh,” I said again, trying for the second time to infuse the syllable with nonchalance instead of disappointment.

  I stuck my lasagna in the microwave and punched some buttons, feeling more than a little perplexed. “So Pete is the secretary. Gordy’s the director I met at orientation. There’s that blonde girl who wears the miniskirts and goes around to all the county offices doing the recycling—”

  “Green Barbie. She’s the recycling coordinator for Albright County, but is based here at the landfill.”

  “My boss in the PR department dislocated a vertebra the day Green Barbie dropped a bottle under his desk and tried to crawl after it.”

  Burt nodded and chewed some egg. “She doesn’t much like underwear.”

  “Right. So who else haven’t I met?”

  “You meet Collin yet?”

  “Who’s he?”

  “Engineering technician. Came here from London seven or eight years ago. He’s the science guy. Manages all the methane gas wells and does the groundwater monitoring and writes the computer programs for all our GPS units. I think he’s a PhD or something.”

  “Okay. Who else?”

  Before Burt could even swallow the hunk of egg he’d shoved in his mouth, the door burst open and a tiny, forty-something blonde came bustling into the room. Her hair frizzed around her face like an electrified halo, and she wore strappy heels covered in big, floppy flowers. I felt the instant comfort that comes from meeting another woman with an appreciation for cute footwear.

  “Oh my God, are you the new Harold?” the woman gasped as she grabbed my arm. “We’ve been waiting for you to get here! I told Burt there was no way they could find anyone to replace Harold on short notice, especially since he was such a good heavy equipment operator even if he was a chain smoker, but he made the best jalapeno jelly and always had clean fingernails and it was really such a
shame he died so suddenly, though the doctor said he didn’t suffer at all, but still, his wife Mary was just so upset and their dog Muffin hasn’t had a proper bowel movement since the funeral and – oh where are my manners, I’m Ernie, like the man’s name, Ernie? It’s short for Ernestine, but everyone just calls me Ernie—”

  She took a breath and I stood quickly, extending my hand. “JJ,” I said as she pumped my hand with a wild grin. “Nice to meet you, Ernie.”

  “Aren’t you just the cutest little thing? All that long, red hair and that gorgeous complexion and such a lovely figure with those—”

  “What is it you do here?” I interrupted as I felt my cheeks turn bright pink.

  “Oh, well, I run Albright Alley, the little thrift store out front that sells all the odds and ends people bring to the dump that aren’t really trash but they don’t want them anymore, so sometimes people just drop things off at the store and other times we poke around through the pits and find things and clean them up and put them out on the shelves, so I just putter around the store and keep things running and—”

  “Her shop made a quarter-million in revenue for the Department of Solid Waste last year,” Burt interjected, picking up a squishy-looking sandwich and leaving dirt dents in the bread. “She does a little more than putter.”

  Ernie blushed prettily. “Well, I do what I can—”

  “It’s nice to meet you, Ernie,” I said, really meaning it.

  She beamed. “I’m just glad to have someone else to enjoy the male scenery, if you know what I mean – not that I’m doing anything inappropriate. I’m in a committed relationship, of course, and obviously he’s very secure and doesn’t mind if I admire attractive young men, and certainly I’ve been trained in sexual harassment protocol and I never grab anyone or send obscene email except that one time by accident with the picture of the naked cartoon bear, but I don’t think that counts because the bear was wearing a shirt and even if he didn’t have pants—”

  “You’re talking about Pete?” I interrupted. “I mean, that’s the male scenery you’re admiring, right?”

  She lowered her lashes and gave me a coy smile. “Have you met Collin?”

  Just then the radio on Burt’s belt crackled to life.

  “Bloody hell, Burt,” shouted a voice heavy with rage and a British accent. “Who is this sodding JJ Shultz and why is she trying to ruin my life?”

  CHAPTER TWO

  Burt hit the switch to turn off his radio, but not quickly enough to avoid a second clatter of static and another burst of words declaring me to be the daughter of Satan and the root of all evil in the world.

  It sounded almost pleasant when said with a British accent, but clearly I wasn’t being complimented.

  Burt looked embarrassed. Beside him, Ernie chuckled. “That Collin. He’s got a little bit of a temper.”

  “That was Collin?” I choked. “I haven’t even met him yet. How could he hate me already?”

  “He doesn’t hate you, honey,” Ernie said, patting my arm. “I’m sure there’s just been a misunderstanding—”

  Suddenly, the door burst open. I spun around to face my attacker, only to discover he looked like Hugh Grant with glasses.

  A very angry Hugh Grant with glasses.

  “Bugger off, Burt – you don’t answer your bloody radio anymore?” Hugh Grant snapped.

  Burt glared at Hugh and set his sandwich on his lap. “I don’t answer my radio when I’m having a nice lunch with my new colleague, Ms. JJ Shultz,” Burt said. “Collin, meet JJ. JJ, meet Collin.”

  I stuck my hand out numbly, pleased at least that it was clean. I gave him my most pleasant smile. “You can just call me the spawn of Satan,” I offered.

  Still frowning, Collin shook my hand with a firm grip. “My apologies for the outburst, Ms. Shultz, but can you explain to me why the director of accounting and finance for Albright County is threatening to shut down this landfill?”

  “What?” I gasped.

  “According to his telephone message, he’s calling the Department of Environmental Quality because CO and CH4 levels at the Albright County landfill make the working conditions unsuitable for employees with asthma. Namely, you.”

  “But I don’t have asthma!” I protested.

  “And I don’t have unsafe levels of carbon monoxide or methane at this landfill, Ms. Shultz, and I’m rather brassed off that this wanker would suggest I do. I monitor all gas levels and chemical activity here. If there’s even the slightest blip—”

  “I’m sure this is all a big misunderstanding,” I said, wringing my hands. Collin winced, and I looked down to see I was still gripping his hand. Tightly.

  I dropped his hand and wondered what the hell Daniel was up to. He’d always been a protective kind of guy, but this—

  “Look, just calm down, keep your pants on, and let me get to the bottom of this,” I said.

  “My pants,” he snapped, “are not your concern.”

  “In that case, I won’t tell you you’ve got a big mustard stain right next to your fly.”

  I could tell he was trying hard not to look, but it was true. I folded my arms over my chest and took a breath. “I’m sure the working conditions here are perfectly fine. Let me talk to my – to, um, the director of accounting and finance and I’ll see if I can clear things up.”

  “Please do.” Collin eyed me carefully. “Again, I apologize for the outburst. I take my work here very seriously, and the viability of this facility is crucial to the well-being of the community.”

  “I understand,” I said, nodding. “I take my work very seriously, too.”

  He regarded me with a curious look. “Today is your first day on the job?”

  Beside me, Burt cleared his throat. “She’s already better than half the guys out there. Ran that compactor like a pro.”

  Collin’s expression was wary. “Interesting,” he finally said. “Quite the coincidence, really.”

  I swallowed hard, not sure exactly what was so interesting or coincidental. Whatever it was, Collin didn’t seem pleased.

  He continued staring, suspicion darkening his features. Finally, he gave a curt nod.

  “I need to upload a new GPS grid on your machine tomorrow and run a quick diagnostic,” he said. “I’d like access to it first thing in the morning.”

  “Sure. Whatever you need.”

  Behind me, Burt cleared his throat. “Maybe that would be a good chance for you to give her an overview of our GPS system, Collin,” he suggested. “You could show her how the lifts are structured, how the elevations are staked, all that good stuff.”

  Collin looked at me again, his expression unreadable. “I suppose that would be sensible.”

  “It’s a date,” I heard myself say. Beside me, Ernie giggled.

  “It’s a date,” Collin repeated, looking as though he’d rather poke himself in the eye with a crochet hook. “Ladies, Burt, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a flare station to check. It’s been lovely meeting you, Ms. Shultz.”

  “Please, it’s JJ.”

  “JJ,” he repeated, his gaze holding mine for the briefest moment. Then he turned and headed for the door.

  When he was gone, Ernie squealed and grabbed Burt’s shoulder.

  “Oh my, did you see that? He was practically ogling her! I’ve never even seen him look twice at Green Barbie even though she’s perfectly lovely and always wears those tiny little skirts, but JJ’s just much more striking with all that beautiful red hair and those lovely blue eyes and such spunk—”

  “Um, hello, I’m right here?” I interrupted, feeling my face flame. “Really, I think you’re overreacting. Collin thought I was a snitch. I don’t think I made the best impression.”

  Ernie looked me up and down. “You’re going to liven things up here for sure.”

  “You’re crazy,” I said. “Besides, I’m sort of seeing someone already.”

  “Sort of?” Ernie raised an eyebrow. “That doesn’t sound serious.”

 
“It’s complicated,” I said as I began to rinse out my Tupperware in the sink. “We’re working through some disagreements about boundaries and my career and his overprotective tendencies and—” I stopped, realizing I was volunteering way too much information. “Besides, even if you’re right, it’s a moot point. The county has a very strict policy about co-workers dating.”

  Behind me, Ernie snorted. “No they don’t.”

  I turned to look at her.

  “They definitely don’t have any such rule,” she insisted.

  Burt chuckled. “They got rid of that – what, five, six years ago?”

  “Five,” Ernie said, placing her hand on his shoulder and smiling down at him. “A year after my divorce was final.”

  Burt smiled back and reached up to squeeze her hand.

  “Oh,” I said, feeling very stupid all of a sudden.

  And feeling a little uncomfortable at the thought of Burt and Ernie hooking up.

  “So, there’s no rule?” I asked, turning off the faucet as I tried in vain to remember if I’d ever seen anything in the employee manual or if I’d just taken Daniel’s word for it. “No strict county policy?”

  “Nope,” Ernie said. “You’re free to have wild, crazy sex with as many co-workers as you like.”

  “Great,” I said, feeling a sudden urge to do just that. Preferably while Daniel watched with a stake through his heart.

  “Listen, JJ, the whole crew goes out for happy hour every Monday night,” Ernie said. “We’d sure love to have you join us tonight at Goomba’s after work.”

  “That sounds good,” I said tentatively. “I’ll have to go home first to shower and change, but—”

  “Oh, you don’t have to do that,” Burt said. “You can come just like you are.”

  I looked down at my grubby coveralls and orange safety vest streaked with something smelly and gray. “Um, thanks,” I told him. “I’ll think about it. Now if you'll excuse me, there’s an accounting director I need to disembowel.”

  I STOOD IN front of my closet after work trying to decide whether to wear grubby landfill clothes or something sexy to confront Daniel. Did I want to irritate him or make him want to beat his head against the wall for ever refusing to acknowledge me as his girlfriend?